A night of chaotic serenity
It was a few minutes after 5 in the evening and I leaned up against a north facing window. Yesterday the moonrise was in perfect time with the Belt of Venus. Tonight, the sky was again completely clear, now a deep blue still from twilight, and I felt some sadness in that. I guess you could say twilight lingering past 5pm begins to feel more normal, and what I love so much in the north is the forever darkness and even the forever daylight on the opposite side.
Still, the trees looked so beautiful covered in snow and the sky such a rich colour blue. Some stars were visible, and a few streaks of aurora too. That is not necessarily normal, to see the aurora so early, but it is not the first time also. Maybe a good sign for later.
“It was fine, until it wasn’t.”
A short time later I was just settling in for the night, at least for the next few hours.
The aurora was still arcing over my house, but the Canuck game was just a few minutes in and I was really ready to just crash, zone completely out. I had dinner all cleaned up, lighted candles in all my Kähler houses, and I was lying sideways across my sofa with my untouched, still steaming tea, on the sofa arm. A light headache lingered in the background.
After the hockey game, I would take a hot bath, unless the aurora was so good that I would feel anxiety (it’s a real thing with me) about missing being out with it. But all that was a situation for later. I felt fine in my decision to let go of chasing an early show and instead re-evaluate in a few hours. It was fine, until it wasn’t.
"I guess you could say twilight lingering past 5pm begins to feel more normal..."
My feeling of ‘wait and see for later’ developed overwhelmingly into not a great feeling, and I really had no choice but to take the decision to run down the stairs, grab my keys to remote start my car, and get changed. I once again messy poured my tea from my mug back into the teapot, and then into my thermos. I had reached such a panic to get out the door that I didn’t even let my car warm up for at least 15 minutes, and it was already -40.
It wasn’t until I was down the hill outside my neighbourhood that I had realized I forgot my tripod back inside my front door. So after an almost immediate u-turn and a swing back up my street, I was now on my way out, to chase the early aurora after all.
In the end, initially forgotten tripod and all, it was perfect timing.
When I walked back in my front door just before 8pm, I first just dropped my parka to the floor against the front door, but did hang it up on second thought. There is nothing worse than putting back on a freezing cold parka if I decided to go back out later.
I laughed to myself as I looked back at this chaos, walking up the stairs in just my base layers now. I’m not usually this dramatic.
So, back home and I warm up another mug of lavender cream earl grey tea. I sink back into my sofa catching the last period of the Canuck game. Usually the aurora cycles every few hours, so I knew I had a little time even if I wanted to go back out. I re-lit my candles from earlier and opened up my MacBook, actually starting to write this post. It was still before 9pm, and I kept an eye on the windows of course.
I think I knew, aided by data as ever, pretty much right away that I was going to be going back out. But the little curl up on the sofa in between, with not quite enough time to write all of this, was just what I needed. The whole night was.
When you get back home and just can’t even anymore.
